Human Anomalies
by Asilda
Summary: When Artemis gets his appendix removed Holly thinks he's dying. Turns out fairies can't live without appendixes, so they don't know humans don't need them. Holly rushes to Artemis's side. Epilogue added at the suggestion of one kind reviewer.
1. Chapter 1

My first fanfiction story ever! I just got my own computer after saving up for years and so now I can finally try writing without my sisters kicking me off. This one's a oneshot, but I'm going to write some longer ones if people like them. Please review and let me know!

Holly smiled as she finished burying the acorn. Magic immediately began coursing through her veins like mercury, filling her to the brim. It felt good to be running hot, without an emergency to drain away her powers all over again. Of course she was expecting disaster to strike any time. It had been too quiet lately. Much too quiet. No civil uprisings in the Lower Elements, no diabolical Artemis Fowl schemes being concocted, no interspecies incidents to prevent. Just blessed peace and quiet – the sort of which was too good to last.

"Holly, come in!" Foaly's image appeared inside the visor of Holly's helmet.

Here it is, Holly thought. The disaster she'd been waiting for. "What's wrong, Foaly?" she asked. And it was obvious that something was wrong, even at a glance. Foaly's eyes were wide and sweat was beading at his brow. He looked sad and scared. Unbelievably sad and scared but was trying hard to hide it.

"It's Artemis," said Foaly and Holly groaned.

"Artemis Fowl," she said. "I should have known. What did Mud Boy Genius do this time?" she wondered.

"He's in trouble." Foaly swallowed. "Big trouble, Holly."

"What else is new?" asked Holly.

"This is serious!" Foaly's voice took on a sharp edge.

Holly sobered instantly. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Foaly opened his mouth then closed it and waited for a second before trying again. "It's bad," he told her at last. "You know I keep tabs on Mud People's phones and computers and TVs for key phrases. And since Artemis Fowl has become so wrapped up in our business, I added his name to the list of key phrases to be on the safe side."

Holly wanted to interrupt and ask more questions, but the look on Foaly's face kept her silent. It was killing her, waiting for him to finally get to his point, but somehow she had the feeling that she was happier not knowing. That when she learned what it was Foaly had to tell her she wouldn't be happy again for a very long time.

"Some updated hospital files just got flagged," said Foaly. He rubbed one hand across his face . . . and were those tears that Holly saw glimmering at the edges of her friend's eyes?

"Hospital files?" asked Holly. "Did Artemis get hurt?"

Foaly nodded. "Yeah. Artemis got hurt."

"How bad?" Holly asked quickly. "And where is he?" She was running hot. She had enough magic to cure any human injury, provided that her human friend was still alive. If he could just hang on until she got there. "Where, Foaly? Tell me!"

Foaly shook his head. "It's no use, Holly."

"Why? Oh Frond." Holly suddenly found it hard to breath. "He's not . . . dead?"

"He's as good as," whispered Foaly. "Artemis's appendix ruptured."

Holly jerked in shock. "What? Ruptured how? Did he get shot and it got ruptured by a bullet?"

"No. Apparently he had appendicitis, but didn't know it. I don't know how you can miss something like that." Foaly's voice actually trembled.

"Tell me where he is," Holly demanded. "If I can get there fast enough I can save him!"

"Holly –"

"Where is he, Foaly?!?!?!" screamed Holly.

"It's no use!" Foaly screamed right back. "Listen to me for a second! His appendix ruptured, Holly, and apparently that's not something Mud Men are capable of fixing. They removed it. They took it out. Artemis Fowl no longer has an appendix. There is nothing you can do for him!"

Holly sank to her knees, trying to hold back sobs. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be. She'd only known Artemis a few years, but somehow the idea of the world without him just didn't seem right. How could this have happened?

"Where is he, Foaly?" Holly asked again.

"I just told you there's nothing you can do!"

"I asked you a question, and I want an answer!" Holly said angrily. "I don't care if there's nothing I can do. I can be there for him. That's not nothing. If it was you, wouldn't you want your friends there for you?"

Foaly sighed. "He's in St. Peter's Hospital. Room 314. But he might not be there when you get there."

"They're moving him?" Holly asked. That didn't sound like a good idea, moving someone in such critical condition. Any fool knew that.

Foaly looked down and didn't meet Holly's eyes. "I meant that he might be in the morgue."

"Oh."

Holly began flying. Tears streamed down her cheeks, inside her helmet, but she ignored them. Stupid, stupid, stupid humans! Holly would never understand them. Destroying the planet and waging war on each other. It seemed like they were bound and determined to kill every last member of their species off. Their doctors only confirmed that theory. Doctors, hah! Barbarians with scalpels that they 'sanitized' in poisons! They couldn't even cure a simple tumor without cutting holes in their patients. Yes, that was just their style. If a limb was causing problems, they cut it off. Holly had read a horror novel once, written by a sprite who'd been on missions around the time of the American Civil war. He'd recounted stories of hospital tents with severed limbs stacked all around them. Holly wondered what they would have done if the problem had been with Artemis's head. Would they have cut that off too as some ridiculous attempt to save him? In fact, they might as well have done just that, removing his appendix like they had.

Every faerie alive knew how important their appendix was. It ranked in importance only behind the brain and the heart. It was vital to their survival, as it filtered toxins and pollutants, and contained them until they could be purged away by magic. To remove the appendix was to invite death. There was no hope of recovery from something like this. None. At all. Artemis Fowl was as good as dead the moment his appendix ruptured, Holly knew. The only thing that could have saved him was if a faerie, filled to the brim with magic, had been standing right beside him and poured every last drop of healing power into him. Even then it would have been fifty-fifty.

Foaly put Holly through to Butler, via the Mud Man's cell phone, so that she could get permission to enter the hospital while she was en route.

"How is he?" Holly asked the gentle giant as she sped toward the hospital at full speed.

"He's resting right now," Butler told her. He seemed to be holding himself together remarkably well, all things considered, even though he did sound quite drained.

"Butler," said Holly, wanting to make certain that her friend knew she was not coming to perform a miracle, worried that perhaps that hope was what allowed him to hold onto his strength, "I don't know if Foaly told you, but my magic won't work in this case."

"He mentioned it already," said Butler. "And it's all right, Holly. Artemis will pull through on his own."

It struck Holly then that Butler was in denial. That was how he was getting through this. He had deluded himself into believing that Artemis would live. That poor man.

It didn't surprise her that Butler was waiting in the hallway outside Artemis' room in the hospital. Visiting hours were technically over, but the hospital had received several large donations from the Fowl family in the past, and were willing to allow Artemis's bodyguard to stand watch in the hallway.

"He's been sleeping," Butler told her. He looked as if her could use some sleep himself. "He woke up briefly after the surgery, and interrogated his doctors but it took a lot out of him. He might wake up for you though."

Holly doubted it, but she managed a shaky smile and a nod before walking inside.

The hospital room smelled like antiseptics and other chemicals, and the whirring of machinery buzzed in Holly's ears and bones. Artemis was lying in some sort of ridiculous contraption, that Holly assumed was a hospital bed. He was hooked up to machines that monitored his vitals, and had tubes of something dripping into his arm via a needle.

"Oh Artemis," breathed Holly, tears filling her eyes as she saw the state her friend was in. "What have they done to you?"

Artemis looked so young lying there. Perhaps because there were no worry lines creasing his features, or maybe because his eyes were closed so no one could see the sarcasm that seemed to be engrained in his very retinas. Whatever the reason, he looked much more innocent lying there. Much cuter, much more like the child he should have been.

Holly crossed the distance between them and rested a hand on her friend's cheek. His skin was so much paler than normal, that Holly would have been worried if she hadn't already known he was dying. For the first time, she realized just how long Artemis's eyelashes were – they were like black crescents on white silk. Surprise ran through her when they fluttered, then opened, revealing Artemis's piercing storm blue eyes. They were hazy, probably from drugs or pain, but they still managed to zero in on Holly's own hazel ones, and Artemis's lips twitched into a smile.

"Well," he said, "this is a surprise."

"Artemis." Holly leaned over him and rested her forehead against his.

Artemis blinked, looking confused and not entirely comfortable with her being in such close proximity. "Is everything alright, Holly?" he asked after tolerating the contact for a good ten seconds.

"I'm so sorry, Artemis. There's nothing I can do to help you." Tears spilled out of Holly's eyes, onto Artemis's face. The boy looked positively alarmed now.

"Well, that's inconvenient, to be sure," he said, blinking rapidly, probably trying to clear his mind of the drugs, "but I assure you that I shall live without your fairy magic. I had not been counting on it in the first place, this time."

"Artemis . . ." Holly's voice cracked and she closed her eyes. "You do know, don't you? Someone told you what happened, didn't they?"

"I questioned my doctors when I first came to, after surgery," said Artemis. "They gave acceptable answers to every one of my queries, and I did not feel they were hiding anything from me. Granted, I'm not exactly at my best right not, but I suppose that is to be expected with these painkillers in my system –"

"Painkillers?" demanded Holly. "Painkillers?!?!? They took out your appendix and then they pumped you full of chemical poisons? What were those demented madmen thinking?"

"Perhaps these painkillers are affecting me more severely than I thought," Artemis mused. "For you seem to be making no sense, Holly. And you generally make at least a modicum of sense."

"Excuse me for getting emotional when one of my friends is dying!" Holly's voice broke and she pulled away from Artemis, turning her face away so he wouldn't see her breaking down. This was the last thing that the poor boy needed, to see his friend fall to pieces. He was being so brave, holding himself together so well, and all she could do was fall apart.

"Dying?" Artemis sounded genuinely shocked. "I am not dying, Holly. What on earth would cause you to believe that I was?"

"Artemis, you had your appendix removed," Holly told him.

"Yes, I am aware of that," said Artemis calmly. "As I understand it, the surgery went like a textbook operation. No complications arose, at all, which is to be expected of doctors of this caliber. My family is only treated by the best."

"Your appendix, Artemis!" cried Holly. "Your appendix! That is going to kill you, Mud Boy."

"Holly . . ." Artemis was looking at her oddly when she turned back toward him. "You do know that the appendix is not vital to human survival, do you not?"

"Of course it is," Holly told him. "Everyone knows how important it is. No one can live without their appendix."

Artemis sighed and closed his eyes. "I promise you, Holly, humans have no need for their appendix. It is a vestigial structure, an organ whose purpose has been lost in the process of evolution. My mother had hers removed when she was in her twenties."

Could it be true? Holly was almost afraid to believe it, but Artemis seemed completely coherent, and as alert as anyone who'd just undergone major surgery could be. He was even using his lecturing voice.

"You're not going to die from this?" she whispered. She reached out toward him with one hand, but quickly changed her mind and started to withdraw it.

Cool, slender fingers caught her hand. Artemis's grip was weak, but not the intention behind it. "I'm not going to die from this, Holly," he assured her. "Millions of humans live on without their appendixes. Within two weeks time, I'll be back on my feet, healthy once more. Well, perhaps in three and a half weeks time. Physical feats have never been my forte, if you'll pardon the alliteration."

"You're not going to die," repeated Holly, seizing Artemis's hand in her own now, and gripping it tight enough to make the boy wince.

"No, I am not going to die," Artemis said again. "So there is no need to cry. But . . . to know that you were crying for me, I mean for my sake . . ." Artemis blinked several times as though trying to clear off the drug haze. "I find it . . . nice to know that you care."

Holly leaned forward so that her forehead touched Artemis's. "Of course I care, Mud Boy. Who would help me save the world if you were gone?"

"I'm certain you would manage." Artemis smiled. His eyelashes fluttered as he struggled to stay conscious.

The wound wasn't fatal. It was such a relief that for a few minutes, Holly could scarcely believe it. Once that finally sunk in, something occurred to her. She stood and hopped up to perch on the edge of Artemis's bed and began tugging on his hospital gown to loosen the garment.

Artemis had nearly drifted off, but was shocked back into awareness. "What?" His eyes grew wide as saucers and he stared at Holly. "Holly, what are you doing?"

"Shh, it's alright," Holly told him, tugging at one of the gown's strings.

"It most certainly is not alright," Artemis protested. He tried to stop her as she pulled the garment down, leaving everything above his waist bare. "Its indecent. Stop it."

Holly ignored him and inspected his stomach. She'd expected a large incision, but was surprised to find instead three small cuts. That was convenient though. That made it easier.

"Holly . . ." Artemis's face was flushed from both the exertion of trying to stop her and embarrassment at being forcefully stripped.

"This might not work," said Holly, "but it's worth a try." She laid her hand over one of the incisions. "Heal."

Blue sparks danced across Artemis's scrawny stomach and sunk into his skin. The small cuts from the surgery healed at warp speed. It was a ridiculously easy healing, no worse than several very minor stab wounds. It wouldn't have worked, of course, if he'd been missing something vital to his survival, like his stomach or his lungs, but since humans didn't need their appendixes, there were no complications.

"I thought you said that wouldn't work," said Artemis, looking at her amazed.

"I thought you were missing something that you couldn't live without," Holly told him. "I couldn't regrow any organs for you, but patching up those little cuts was nothing." She pulled his gown back up and tied it around his neck, then pulled his blankets up to cover him, noticing that he'd begun to shiver. "You need to eat more, Mud Boy. All you are is skin and bones and scars."

Artemis regarded Holly through tired, heavy lidded eyes. His incisions may have been healed, but the effects of the drugs they'd used on him obviously still had a hold on him. He was going to be out of it soon and he knew it.

"Thanks for coming, Holly," Artemis said, slurring his words slightly. He reached toward Holly, or perhaps where he thought Holly was, because his hand was several feet off. Holly caught it and leaned close so that she could hear what he had to say. "Means a lot. You coming. You caring."

"Of course I care." Holly guided his hand so that it rested over his chest, then pulled his blanket up over him again, this time tucking it in around him. "I love you, silly Mud Boy."

Artemis's eyes had nearly closed, but now they flew open again. Holly started, surprised at the expression on her young friend's face. She was about to ask what was the matter but Artemis spoke first.

"L-love?" he whispered. "You . . . love me?"

"Of course I love you. We're friends." Holly saw Artemis's eyes start to fill with tears. "Artemis, what on earth is the matter?"

"You . . . love . . . me . . ." Artemis repeated. The tears in his eyes spilled over. "No one's ever told me that before."

Oh.

Holly sat back down on the edge of Artemis's bed and leaned over him, wrapping her arms around him. He couldn't return the embrace, as his arms were pinned to his sides, but even if he were free Holly thought he was probably in too much shock to have done so.

How old is he again? Holly tried to remember. Fourteen. And to never have been told that he was loved . . .

"You know that there are a lot of people who love you," she told him. "Your parents and Butler and Juliet. Mulch and Foaly, but they'd never say it out loud. But I guess even if you know it, you still need to hear it said once in awhile . . ."

She felt Artemis nod against her shoulder.

"Well I love you, Artemis. You hear that, Mud Boy? I love you."

"I . . . love you too . . . Holly." His words came out in a gasp. Holly had to wonder if this was perhaps the first time he'd said them out loud. If it was, it wouldn't surprise her.

"Right," Holly said, stroking his hair soothingly. "So there's no need to cry about this, Artemis. It's a good thing, you know."

"I know." Artemis sniffed. "I don't know why I'm acting so weak and emotional. Must be the pain killers, clouding my reasoning."

"Must be," Holly agreed to placate him. "You should try to sleep them off. Your body needs the rest."

"Sleep," muttered Artemis.

"Sleep," said Holly, her voice layered with the Mesmer. Artemis was already on the verge of succumbing. Holly's hypnotic tone only helped him along. Only seconds later he was breathing deeply and easily, lost in slumber.

Holly stood and adjusted the covers around him once more, making sure he was tucked in tightly, then leaned over Artemis and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead. "Good night, Artemis. Sweet dreams."

The End


	2. Chapter 2

I added this epilogue at the suggestion of ngneer. Thanks for the idea!

Foaly looked up as the door to the operations booth whooshed open. What he saw made him go pale.

"Holly!" he said with false cheer. "Hi . . . Hey, how's Artemis?"

"Alive," said Holly through clenched teeth. Her eyes were full of murder. "He was discharged from the hospital this morning. I left after he was settled back at the Fowl Manor."

"Oh. Um, well that's great to hear."

"So tell me," growled Holly, as she slowly advanced on the centaur, "exactly when did you learn that humans can survive without appendixes?"

"I –"

"Was it before you called me and told me my favorite Mud Boy was dying?" asked Holly. "Or while I was enroute to the hospital praying I'd get a chance to say goodbye?"

"Holly, I swear, I didn't know until after you got to the hospital," Foaly said weakly. "How could I have? I mean it was his appendix! Who could know that humans have become so accustomed to poisons that they don't even need their appendixes to filter them out anymore?"

"Hmmm," said Holly. "Who?"

Foaly never even saw the buzz baton but he sure as hell felt the sting. Electricity swept through him making every single hair on his body stand on end, and turning his knees to jelly. All four of his knees.

"Ouch."

Foaly managed to pick himself up weakly in time to see Holly pause in the doorway, right before she stormed out.

"Never," hissed the angry elfin captain, "scare me like that again. Ever."

"Right," Foaly agreed quickly. "Never again." He made a mental note to read up on human anatomy and physiololgy so that he wouldn't send out anymore false alarms. Not that he thought it was likely he could make that kind of mistake again. Human bodies weren't that different from the Peoples' bodies. They still needed their brains to regulate all their systems, their hearts to pump blood, their lungs to breath, and their tonsils to keep their lungs from exploding . . . right?

The memory of Holly's murder filled eyes was enough motivation for Foaly to start his research right away. The first thing he did was pull up Artemis Fowl's medical records to make sure the Mud Boy had all other important organs in place. What he saw nearly gave him a heart attack.

"What the? Tonsils removed at age 6?!?!!" Foaly stared at the screen in horrified shock then quickly called up a computer file that contained a human medical encyclopedia. It would probably be wiser to finish his research before calling up Holly and telling her that her favorite Mud Boy died six years before she ever met him.

The End (for real this time).


End file.
